


Haz llover

by Kibbles



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Action/Adventure, Blood and Gore, Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Goodbyes, I'm Sorry, Langst, Self-Sacrifice, Stages of grieving, but I'm not, healing pod won't be enough to heal the feels, klance, klangst, non-binary Pidge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2018-12-23 21:22:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11998209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kibbles/pseuds/Kibbles
Summary: Nothing was working, not the tactics they've used previously, not the formations they had trained so hard to master. Not even Voltron seemed capable of defeating this giant monster. Pushing the paladins to their limits, exhaustion and chaos worm their way into the team.So what if they failed?Is winning a battle worth losing their lives?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> After six months of suffering from the blank page syndrome, I am happy to finally be able to publish a little something. This won't be a very long story, I am expecting three chapters max. It's my first work in the Voltron universe, so I hope the characters aren't too OOC... Please let me know if you find any mistakes or if something doesn't make sense, English isn't my first language.

 

The battle had been going on for two days and a whole night, at least based on the solar system where the paladins were fighting off one of Zarkon's army. It was big, strong, and much more calculated than the ones they had faced before. No matter how many ships they destroyed, how many times they formed and reformed Voltron, the enemy kept pouring down from the giant vessel like an endless, raging cascade. The paladins were exhausted, hell, even the lions were at their limit and they didn't know it was possible for machines lacking muscle and flesh to tire out as much as they did. Yet, they couldn't give up. They couldn't let themselves lose this fight, not when the universe was counting on them. Not when they had trained so hard.

And yet, defeat felt so close.

They heard the Altean princess's voice coming through the radio. "We can't hold it for much longer!"

They knew it. Shiro growled, his eyes squinted as he felt the adrenaline leave his body. He watched as the yellow lion was receiving shots on its back. He watched as the green lion was missing its targets a few times when firing shots that grew vines from the cannons aiming for the castle. He had lost count of how many times Keith had been screaming in rage, putting fire to the ships who were getting dangerously close to the planet they tried to protect. And then there was the Blue paladin, calling out his name suddenly.

"Shiro, behind you!" The scarred man turned the head of its lion, he hadn't noticed the mechanical beast snaking his way to him, a mouth full of sharp teeth open and ready to chomp his neck off. This was bad, his lion wouldn't have the time to move or fight back. However, he couldn't risk receiving the blow at full force. For the first time in a long time, he felt like hope was leaving him. Like he had played with Lady Luck for too long, and now she had lost all interest in him and left from his side. Fuck it, he didn't believe in luck. He pulled on the lever toward him, making the black animal change into a better position to brace itself. As he prepared himself for the collision, a light made of intertwined fierce red and pale blue hit the snake beast right to where the neck would be. The robot screeched as its whole body followed the head, away from the black lion. Keith's voice came into his ears. "Are you okay Shiro ?" There was a tinge of excitement, the combined attack had given two of the paladins some hopes of winning. 

"Yeah, thanks to you both. I would have been snake meat if it wasn't for your and Lance's attack." The two young adults chuckled. The two of them had worked hard to combine their strength, and, just like fire and ice, they didn't always used to get along. When it all started, they couldn't be in the same room without breaking into arguments and fights. The team had their flaws, and the paladins didn't always agree, but these two were always at each other's throat. Lance had proclaimed the red paladin as his rival, and Keith wanted nothing to do with him yet always reacted when his buttons were pushed by the other. Fortunately, a complicity grew in their rivalry without the two noticing, or at least that's what they always said when Hunk commented on their relationship.

"Uhh, guys I think they're planning something again." A voice, higher in pitch, made its way through the com as a small screen appeared next to Shiro's command control showing the smaller of the paladin. The look on their face reflected exhaustion, behind the yellowing screen of their helmet, Shiro could make out black patches beginning to make their way onto Pidge's childish face, right under their amber eyes. 

The black paladin felt the four other lions draw back next to him, they all observed as the enemy ships were retreating. "Are they finally giving up? Did we win ?" Lance asked, a hopeful tone in his voice. No one else replied, but Shiro knew they all wished the paladin was right. The princess' voice was next, she commanded them to use this as an opportunity to come back to the castle so they could flee for now. At first, the leader thought it was a wise idea, but a scream from the yellow lion made him jump back to reality. War wasn't a child's game, and you couldn't just stop the game until one of the two parties were checkmate. The other paladins' voices echoed questions. Panic and confusion were in their rank and Shiro fully knew the stress and exhaustion were the biggest threat at the moment. He himself, felt his heart pounding and his guts tangle themselves. The ships were gone, but the metal beasts were up to something. The snake that almost got him earlier joined itself with a vulture-like machine. The metal wings opened as the bird's talons clung onto the reptile. Other beasts they had fought against met with the winged creature, it was like they were forming their own Voltron. Yet it was more violent, wilder. They weren't forming anything but chaos, pieces and bits being ripped apart from claws, fangs and the screams of the robots being torn gave the lion team a shiver. 

Panic first took on Hunk, the yellow paladin was a gentle giant, and was easily spooked but always managed to find the courage to fight with his allies. "Oh, I don't like that. I don't like that at all."

The green paladin was next. "It's like they are stealing parts to make something bigger." Pidge managed to say, keeping their tone as calm as possible as they tried to figure out what was happening. 

"We should just attack now! It's a chance we can't miss." Keith, the red paladin, was the most hot-headed of the group. His voice was raspy, if he wasn't going to die by an enemy blast, then his adrenaline would be the end of him. 

"And then what? Maybe Pidge's wrong, maybe they just got pissed at each other and they'll just kill themselves for us." Lance always tried to lighten the mood, give a glint of hope but it often resulted in him getting yelled at, and right now Keith took that position. The two started to argue, making it hard to focus.

"Guys, we need to stay calm." Shiro's voice was placid, yet still firm enough to get the other paladins to shut their mouth. "I know we are all exhausted, but we can't let our guard down. Pidge is right, something is off about their behaviour. Can you scan them for any anomalies? Could they have been hacked or something?"

The sound of fingers typing echoed through the radio. "My scan cannot find anything abnormal." Pidge was frowning, looking at the screens sliding and popping around. "Maybe there is some kind of defect in their program, but I cannot find any viruses or hacked files."

"What do we do then ?" Keith's voice was anxious, he needed a plan and something to keep his mind busy. His hands were clenched on the levers, knuckles turning white by the lack of blood flow under his armored gauntlets. 

The clock was ticking, they only had a few dobashes - no only a couple of ticks, to decide if they were going to fight the newly formed metal beast, or head back to the castle and wormhole their way to safety. 

Keith growled, his patience reaching his limit and with just a blink, Red threw herself toward the enemy. One of the paladins called out to him. "Keith! What are you doing ?" He recognized the voice as Lance's and saw Blue follow the steps of the previous lion. 

"I'm done waiting around. I am going to end this, even if I have to do it by myself." Keith was mad, both literally and figuratively. He fired a couple of lasers as his lion flew around the robot which didn't bother avoiding his offense. The metal beast was big, much bigger than the lions were. It resembled a chimera, it's body imposing like the one of a horse with the reptile's face placed between the scapulas. Its mouth was open, and deep inside its throat, something was beginning to glow. The vulture's wings were spread open, feathers like swords expanding almost gracefully in a circled fashion. The Black paladin knew they were in trouble, the newly formed animal hadn't moved at all and was being bombarded by lasers sent from the Red and Blue lion. 

"Keith, we have to retreat !" Lance yelled, trying to use his lion to direct his ally back toward the group in vain. "Stop acting like a four-year-old, we don't know what it's capable of and we need a plan !"

Suddenly, the red lion entered the blue's personal space. With a loud bang, it smashed its head against its flank and gruntings echoed in the radio. "Get out of my way! We aren't going to learn anything by just standing there, if you don't want to help, then get out !"

The two started to argue, it was as if all the progress they had made had been completely erased. 

"Shiro, what do we do ?" The black paladin jerked back to his sense when hearing Hunk's worried voice. He had been staring at the strange glow reflecting in the snake's eyes like they were ruby stones. Something was off. "No choice, we have to get to Lance and Keith and form Voltron." And with that, the three lions met with the two who were ahead. Rapidly, the lions connected with each other, their paladins feeling their bonds strengthening between humans and machines. There wasn't a "me" anymore, there wasn't a "he" either. They were one, and they could feel each other's emotions, their thoughts felt connected. On one hand, they held the giant, powerful sword. On the other, the grip was tightly holding the shield that protected them so many times before.  
They waited for their breath to be in sync, and Shiro began shouting orders. Voltron's body threw itself toward the immobile monster, keeping the shield between them. 

"Keith, aim for the snake's mouth!" 

"Roger that." With a swift movement of his arm and a loud yell, the red paladin pushed on the lever that made Voltron's arm jerk backward before pushing the sword straight ahead into the monster's breast. 

Everything was quiet. 

_Quiet ?_

It should have been anything but quiet. The sword was plunged into the robot's chest, yet it wasn't reacting. There was no explosion, no blinding light, no screech. Nothing.

Lance was the first to talk. "Soooo... What now ?" The others were as confused as he was, and no one really knew what to reply. Shiro asked Keith to remove the sword from the beast's chest, he looked at the snake's eyes. They weren't glowing anymore. Did they pierce through the machine's heart causing it to shut down? As Voltron took some distances, the leader couldn't shake off the doubt of something weird happening.

"Hey look, his chest is... Bleeding ?" Hunk sounded confused, but the others couldn't blame him. Something black was pouring out of the hole, out of the damaged mouth. It looked gooey, not liquid like water. A few bubbles spread and floated in the surroundings. 

"If we can get close enough, I could take a sample and run some tests on it." Pidge offered, the curiosity of the scientist taking over. 

"Nope, nope. Left leg disagrees" The yellow paladin answered first. "I have had enough with weird aliens for a few quintants." At that, Pidge grumbled but instead of trying to make their point clear, they asked for the leader's opinion. 

"I don't know." His voice unsure, Shiro weighted the good and the bad of the idea. The good, by taking a sample, they could learn more about the enemy and eventually what was the purpose of the immobile machine. He also noticed the galra ship was gone and that rose some red flags in his mind. The bad, it was a trap and who knows what would happen if they got close to the petroleum-like substance. 

As he was about to talk, Voltron began to shake, and thus bringing the paladins to yelp in surprise. "Lance, what the fuck are you doing ?" Keith said, sounding upset.

"It's not me!" Lance replied nervously. "Blue is freaking out, but I can't see why." Blue's agitation grew into the other lions who then began to move on their own, twisting and swinging Voltron around like he was a puppeteer's toy. Pidge's voice came out as they tried to talk their lion into senses. Hunk whined, he was just as freaked out as the lions were. 

Shiro spoke under his breath."What's wrong buddy?" He tried to communicate with the black lion, closing his eyes and breathing calmly. He saw through the lion's eyes, the other robot's black blood rushing toward Voltron. He opened his eyes and yelled. "Everyone, we need to get out of here !" Somehow, each time he spoke the others felt grounded and they managed to react fast enough to avoid one of the jellyfish-like creatures to latch onto them. 

"What the heck was that ??" Keith growled once they looked behind. Another one flew toward them, fast like a bullet. Pidge rose their shield and it splattered against it, swallowing it in its dark body. Shiro told Pidge to let go of the shield, which they did just before the black mass reached the muzzle of the green lion. "Allura, Coran, what are these ?"

The male Altean was the first to answer. "Paladins, you need to get out of here immediately." 

There was some coughing and one of the paladins shouted. "Coran! What's going on? Where's Princess Allura?" 

More cough followed. "I'm afraid we are fighting our own battles here. Some strange smoke spread into the castle, Princess is with me, but she is weak from all the fight. You must come back to the castle immediately, we need your--" the radio cut with unsettling sizzles.  
The anxiety crept back on the black paladin, something wrong was going on and he couldn't figure out what. He was about to let everyone know they needed to run, but another jellyfish, bigger and faster, was thrown toward them. Keith used the sword to slay it in two just before it crashed against Voltron's body. "We have to go, now !" Nobody objected, the giant robot turned its back to the beast and activated its propeller, a pale light shining on its back and its feet. 

"We're too slow !" Pidge expressed. "The stuff is catching up !" Lance and Hunk pushed their levers to the max, with all their forces they kept on pushing, hoping there was just a little bit more of power they could give off. 

Another rough shake traveled through Voltron. 

One of the beasts had managed to climb onto them. It stood in front of the right leg, and the blue paladin could see the many dots he assumed were the monster's eyes staring right back at him. He felt frozen in time, his body holding his breath as he heard the others call out to him. "Get that thing off !" One voice said. The green lion tried to wipe it off but one of the jellyfish took it as an opportunity to get closer to them until a beam coming from the Castle hit it right into the bull's eye. The black mass screeched as its whole body went out into an explosion. Voltron jerked its red arm up to shield itself from the blinding light. It took Lance only a minute to realize that the rooted spider-like beast was about to explode at any moment and, in a desperate hope to protect the others, he forced Blue to dismantle herself off of Voltron. The others felt their formation beginning to fall apart, their eyes diverted to the blue paladin who took off, trying to get as much distance as possible, wishing Keith wouldn't call him a coward for running away. He barely made it a few kilometers before the attached beast exploded.

To him, everything first went red. The alarm flashed furiously inside his lion, it was blinding and it hurt his head. It all moved too fast, his body thrashing around, feeling pain at first until he was hit enough that his senses went numb. Everything was very loud, his body hitting against the cold metal, the cry of Blue echoing inside his body, the screams of his friends calling out to him. He could taste the blood in his mouth, he could smell the overworking engine which gave a smell of warm fire. 

 

He felt himself being scared.

 

He felt himself fall.


	2. Chapter 2

The fall felt like it was never-ending. 

At first, his surrounding was constantly changing - the upside becoming down, and the left becoming right. His body had been thrown off of the seat and he felt like he was stuck inside a washing machine, minus the water and soap. A few bones made unpleasant sounds, but the constant rumbling didn't give him a chance to figure out which ones were going to hurt the most. Blue must have gotten close to the planet's atmosphere because the rolling around ceased, and Lance's body smashed against the cold metal. The pressure was so strong his back was glued to the wall, he had a hard time breathing and when he tried to reach for the lever he felt his arm getting jerked right back against the lion's insides. If only he could reach the control panel, he could try to get Blue to reactivate herself, he could find a way to sync with his lion and fly back to their pride.   
Hands flat against the wall he was stuck to, he tried to push his body toward the chair. It was awkward and unpleasant, but he managed to get a little closer, with the adrenaline pumping in his body, he lifted his left hand again. It was hard, it was painful but he refused to give in the pressure until his fingers were tightly gripped on the damned lever. 

He was so close when suddenly his lion shook with a loud thump. Something had bumped into them, or they had bumped into something he couldn't say. His body was thrown in the air for a couple of ticks before he was smashed right back down. His wrist hitting the control panel at an awkward angle, he let out a pained scream as his carpal bones broke. He couldn't figure out how, but he had managed to press one of the buttons.   
The lion's mouth opened with the loud noise of air being aspired outside. "Oh no." Lance felt his body being dragged, he tried to catch on the chair. "Oh no, no, no, no!" He was so close, his long fingers almost reaching the armrest. But being close didn't help much, he looked wide eyed at the room he was so familiar with getting away from him. 

His heart skipped a bit as he soon saw Blue's body a few meters from him.

 

 

The paladins had dissembled Voltron, turning back into single lions as they couldn't hold their formation with Blue missing. Many of the petroleum monsters were trying to latch onto each of them, the only thing they could do was to swiftly avoid their attempts and fire when they had enough distance in between. They could hear Lance's cries over the radio, they all wanted to rush and save him, but the monsters kept them busy and they couldn't turn their backs without risking to be in the same position as the blue paladin. 

"We have to do something !" Keith's voice was loud, his vocal cords trembling as they had been overused. Red opened her mouth and blasted fire onto a few of the enemies, making them explode as soon as they entered in contact.   
Pidge and Hunk were back to back, surrounded by a bunch of monsters similar to the one that had latched onto Blue. When they threw themselves simultaneously at a dangerous speed, the lions barely were able to dodge. The black masses collided against each other, forming a bigger, more imposing monster. Shiro waited for them to have enough distance before firing at the fused body, it was strong but with the help of the others who had found their ways to his sides, they managed to make it explode. 

"Keith !" Hunk yelled. "Where are you going ?" Shiro and Pidge jerked their head toward the red feline. 

"You guys keep destroying this asshole and get back to the Castle, Red and I are going after Lance." His voice was firm, it didn't give any options of reasoning with him. They watched as the fastest of the group left their side and flew toward the planet. 

Shiro put his thoughts back into the fights. "Alright guys, we need to cover Keith. Then, we need to get back to Princess Allura and regroup." The two others acknowledged the plan and opened fire against the dark beings.

 

 

Blue was the first to hit the ground. Her metallic body leaving holes at each landing until there wasn't enough speed for her to go any further. Smoke was coming out of her abdomen, angry electrical sounds and some spark hinting at the damages she had suffered from the explosion and multiple landings. Her eyes were shut, she was lying on her flank. She woofed weakly, sending a distress alert to the other felines of the pride. Red picked on it, startling her paladin she hurried toward her wounded sister. Keith could feel his stomach shrink, a lump had wriggled its way up into his throat. He felt the call, and he felt the distress emanating from Red. "Lance, can you hear me ?" He asked with an unsure voice. At the lack of answer, he repeated himself louder. "Lance! I'm on my way, just hang on alright ?" Nothing but static. The red paladin's face wrinkled as he bit his bottom lip hard enough to draw blood. "Come on Red, we've got to hurry." He pushed a few buttons which made them go even faster.

 

Lance had managed to somewhat slow down his fall. Sure he had hit the ground with a lot of force, but his jetpack had managed to slow him down enough so he wasn't killed by the collision. He kind of regretted his fight or flight's response as he felt all of his sensory nerves fire inside of him. He was lying on his back, his armor destroyed, for the most part, revealing his tanned skin to the dry air of the foreign ecosystem. His helmet had been smashed into pieces, most of them were scattered with the rest of the protection he had lost. Lance couldn't see it, but he knew he had left a trail of blood and probably some teeth too. 

Hell, he wouldn't be surprised if he had a limb missing. 

It was hard to breathe, he could feel his chest struggle to rise and each expiration was making his abdomen jump. He could hear himself taking air in with great difficulty, each inspiration sounding like it would be the last. His eyes rolled to the side where he could see Blue. Her body was a blur for him, but he could feel her deep inside. She was calling for him, calling for someone to help, and it broke his heart. "I'm sorry girl..." The words came out almost like a whisper. He wanted to crawl toward her, hold onto her giant paw and comfort her like she did when he was feeling unwell and he had no one to talk to. 

A gust of wind forced his eyes shut. 

 

"Guys, I have found Blue." Keith appeared on a small screen in each lion. "I'm going inside to get Lance."

"Be careful," Shiro warned him. "We don't know what lives on this planet, the best would be for you two to come back ASAP." The black paladin couldn't look at the screen as he was busy taking out a monster that was about to latch onto Pidge, so he didn't see the grimace Keith made quickly before cutting the video. 

"Blue is in pretty rough shape, I don't think she will be able to take off alone." They could still hear him through the radio.   
The black haired man walked along the feline's wounded body, a hand gently brushing her warm, wounded body. Red was sitting next to her, and it almost looked like she was watching over her.   
Using his jetpack, Keith hoped into the lion's open mouth, placing a hand over his airway he made a disgruntled sound. There was a smell of burning, and the flashing lights made him dizzy. He called out his friend's name a couple times, looking around the damaged control room. With horror, he noticed a few splashes of dark red against the ceiling, the floor and the walls. He swiped his finger inside the closest puddle. It was blood. Fresh blood. "Guys," his voice was worryingly placid. "Lance isn't inside Blue."

Without listening to the other paladins' comment, he stepped outside and called out for the missing man. His hands were clenched into fists, and he used his helmet to locate any sign of life. 

"Come on," he mumbled under his breath, head turning slightly to his right and to his left. "Come on, come on, come on." 

As if the Gods had heard him, his radar picked on a thermal energy. The program beeped a few times as it scanned the specific area and showed the shape of a human body. Without thinking twice, Keith ran toward the origin. "Lance !" He found himself yelling as he was getting closer until his voice got caught in his throat and all that could come out was a gasp. His gray eyes wide, he felt as if someone had punched the air out of him. 

In front of him, the blue paladin was down. His armor was mostly gone, and only a small fragment of his helmet was still present on his head. The tibia of his left leg was exposed, the break giving the lower part of his limb an awkward angle. Blood and ugly bruises were painted all over him, his eyes scanned the damages for a few more ticks before the raspy breath coming from Lance's mouth got his attention. 

"Keith, my pal." A faint smile showing blood tainted teeth appeared. "I don't think I'm doing so good." An angry cough prohibited Lance from talking more.

Quickly, Keith kneeled next to the wounded man. He cradled him gently in his arms, trying to lift him up slightly without hurting him more than he already was. Quickly, he contacted the others. "Guys, Lance's wounded. You need to get a healing pod ready and come get us now." His voice was hasty, he could hide the shock on his body language, but his tone couldn't fool the blue paladin. He looked at his partner with tired blue eyes, parts of his sclera tainted by the damaged blood vessels.

"I can't believe you'll be the last thing I see before I die." The man tried to use a joyful tone like he always used when situations were scarce and they needed something to relieve the tension. 

Keith wanted to punch him, his guts creating more knots as the words entered his ears and made their way to his brain. "I'm not letting you die here." His voice came out louder than he expected. "The others are going to get us, and we will fix you up. Don't you dare give up now." 

The Latino chuckled. "Tell you what, I always thought it would be cool to die a hero and become a legend." He paused slightly to take another breath. "Gets you all the girls and all." 

Keith shook his head. "You should keep your energy instead of babbling like an idiot." His eyes drifted to a big gash on the man's chest. A lot of blood was pouring from it, and it was having a hard time moving.

"Looks pretty bad, huh?" His face turned back to meet with blue eyes he had grown fond of. "I perforated a lung." Lance's voice was weak, and he struggled to get his words out. "Blue isn't doing too well either." He turned his head slightly, looking at the two lions who were remaining still. "She knows I don't have much longer." It was almost a whisper, and Keith almost didn't hear it. His own thoughts fading in black, he lost the capacity to talk. "Tell the Princess I'm sorry, you guys will need to find a new paladin." A few blinks and his gaze was back on Keith. "Can you give a message to the others? Can you tell-" Another coughing fit prevented him from speaking further. 

Keith swallowed the lump back down his throat, shook his head slightly and articulated. "You can tell them everything you want once we get you out of there." His mind knew Lance was right - He knew he was dying. His heart couldn't accept it, his thoughts torturing his brain as he looked for a possibility, for a plan to carry Lance back to the Castle in time. 

"Please."

The red paladin's heart sank deeper. He closed his mouth, and let his friend speak as he locked eyes onto his. The radio was still on, and he knew the others could hear their conversation. "I want Hunk to know he is a great guy. I want him to know," he paused "He is one of the bravest men I've ever met. To Hell with the idiots who think he is a coward." A small smile sketched itself upon Lance's face, as he was recalling a pleasant memory to himself. "And Pidge, I hope, no, I know they'll find their family." 

More blood came out of his mouth, Keith could hear the trembling voices of the other paladins through the com. He could hear the sniffles, the whimper as they murmured Lance's name. 

"Shiro. Man, that guy," Lance's lips were trembling, his eyes were half closed and he struggled to remain conscious. "He's more than a legend, I'm so glad I regarded him as my hero." 

Keith chewed on the inside of his cheek. He thought of getting up and carrying Lance back to the lions but knew it would cause more harm than anything. He felt like if he moved him even so slightly, he would break in half. "I can't believe I won't see Earth again. I'll never feel the warmth of my mom's hugs, the smell of my dad's cooking. I won't be able to see my siblings grow, graduate or get married." A painful sob came out suddenly, Lance's usual relaxed composure shattered into pieces and left his emotion raw and open for everyone to see. "I always thought it would be cool to die a hero, but now that I'm here," tears began to pour down his eyes, hiccups adding more spasm to his body, "I don't want to die." 

The red paladin couldn't hold himself anymore, he lowered his body and let his forehead meet Lance's as an attempt to resemble a gesture like a hug. "I'm sorry Lance, I am so sorry." He couldn't find any words to comfort him, he couldn't say anything reassuring. He wasn't the guy you would go for that, not normally. 

Lance's tears subsided slightly. "Keith, I'm sorry I forced you into becoming my rival." The red paladin withdrew slightly, looking at him, his mouth slightly open. Far away in the sky, he could hear explosions caused by the fight the others were tending to. Lance's eyes moved slightly as he looked up as well, it reminded him of fireworks. "I felt jealous, always being in your shadow. When we were chosen by the lions, I was worried and wanted to be better. But you know, these times spent in space with you, I discovered I didn't hate you. I grew fond of our relationship, and I was scared if I didn't say it was rivalry I would have lost our bond." Lance's voice was growing quieter, or maybe it was Keith's pounding heart that had become too loud. He felt something slide from his cheeks when he couldn't see the blue sea contained in the eyes of the tanned man. He noticed the lack of warmth emanating from the body he was holding, the weight becomes heavier. His heart skipped a beat and he shook him gently. "Lance! Hey ! You can't just confess to me and leave me like that !" His voice was trembling, eyes dripping giant drops of tears that found their way on the bruised face. He closed his eyes, feeling his body jolt with each sob. He couldn't remember how long it had been since he had cried that hard. Probably not since he was a child. 

A small huff startled him, he looked back to the man in his arms. The blue eyes were open, but it was like they couldn't do their job anymore. "I miss the rain." Lance managed to say, he wasn't completely in his head anymore. "I miss... jumping in the puddles." He spoke a few more words, some Keith couldn't understand, but he did recognize a saying Lance used to hum when Space was quiet and was homesick. 

_Haz llover._

_Let it rain._ Keith's repeated the words, he gently rocked his body as he watched the remaining bit of his friend's life escape from his grasp. 

_Haz llover._

He watched as the usually lively eyes turned into pale blues. He held Lance's head as it began to roll on his side. He listened to his body's last couple of breaths, a natural reflex that was only caused by nerves dying. 

_Haz llover..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A giant thank you for the comments and kudos, I really appreciate it!   
> Feel free to murder me, I'll be waiting for you in the other room.   
> There may or may not be a chapter 3...!


	3. Chapter 3

When the remaining lions were able to land, the first sun had vanished from the sky, and the second was slowly disappearing behind the foreign planet.

 

When the team found their friends, Keith was still on his knees, his shoulders slumped and his head low. His arms were still holding onto Lance's body, every muscle fatigued and shaking. The wounded man's head was tucked against the paladin's chest, his mouth slightly open and his eyelid halfway closed. Hunk put his big hands over his face and let out a loud sob, tears streamed down the cheeks of the gentle giant.

Pidge was in shock as well, their eyes staring involuntarily at the friend they always found too annoying. Something wasn't quite right, their brain told them, Lance was never so quiet, never so still, not even when asleep.

 

Shiro was the first to move, he had seen death so many times it would be a lie to say he wasn't used to it. Of course, he was upset to see one of his teammates - a member of his family - laying lifeless and bloodied, and he could feel the tears sting his eyes. But he had to be strong, as the leader, as the most experienced, he had to keep his composure, so the others could rely on him during this horrifying time.

Taking a deep breath to stabilize his feelings, he took the first steps until he was able to kneel next to the two paladins. A gentle hand found its way over Keith's shoulder. "Keith..."

 

He didn't know how to use words anymore, couldn't find the comforting sentence that would feel like it would make everything better. "We need to get back to the ship." His voice was low as if he was trying to bring Keith back to reality as gently as possible.

He found himself study the younger man's features. His eyes were tainted red and puffy, the tears had left his cheeks shiny and his lips were slightly kept apart. Some of Lance's blood was smeared over his suit, tainting the white and red colours alike. Shiro suspected Keith to have hugged him because he could see the dried liquid on his face and neck, even some strings of hair were clumped together in a sticky mess.

 

As he was about to call out to him again, Keith beat him to it. "... Pod."

 

_Huh?_

 

Shiro frowned, he had seen the lips move a little, but the sound didn't quite follow. He stared at Keith who was quickly coming back to himself as if some force had given him a burst of sudden energy. "We need to get Lance into a healing pod!" The young man shouted, he turned his head toward Shiro who could see the despair in his eyes. "Shiro! You have to tell Allura, Lance needs to get into a pod as soon as possible!" His voice was rough as if he had screamed for a long time. His once limp body was completely tense, and his eyes kept jumping from one paladin to the other.

 

"Hunk! Pidge!" He called out. "Use your lions to help Blue back to the Castle. I'll take Red and bring Lance home as fast as I can."

 

The yellow and green paladins' bodies tensed. They looked at Shiro confused before running back to their lions when the black paladin nodded. Keith stood up quickly, arms holding his friend's dead body tightly against him. His muscles were still shaking, and Shiro took it as an opportunity. "Keith, let me help you. Your body is exhausted and - "

 

Keith cut him off. "I don't have time to care about me!" He avoided a brotherly hand by jerking his shoulder away. "Your lion is too slow, with Red we can get help faster."

 

_Oh, so that's what was going on._

 

Shiro sighed, he wasn't sure how to handle the situation. He knew Keith was aware of Lance being dead, he had been there until the last gasps of breath left his airway, but he also knew all too well that Keith didn't know how to properly cope with his own feelings. "Keith, it's too late." The words escaped his mouth, and his eyes widened when he saw the look of Keith staring at him.

 

"What the hell are you saying?" The black-haired man barked. "I'm not giving up on him, Shiro! I thought you were going to be the one who would understand that the most." Keith turned his body away from his friend, rushing toward the lions who had started moving and putting an end to their conversation.

A shiver wriggled its way through Shiro's armor and ran along his skin making any follicle standing on its way to rise.

 

Keith was in denial.

 

 

 

 

 

It took approximately fifteen minutes of wrestling for the team to manage to take Lance's lifeless body off of Keith's arms. The young man had yelled and yelled to have them get a pod ready for Lance, that any minute they were arguing was a precious time lost for their comrade. Hunk tried to reason with him, he was trying hard not to break into tears and sobs. But Keith would not hear any of it, he looked at his friends like they were the enemy and it did not help when Coran stepped in and attempted to take Lance away from him. In the end, Pidge had lost their temper and screamed back. Everyone got quiet, even Keith, as the words came out with a mixture of emotions from the smaller member of the crew. Tears began to run down their cheek, and hating to feel so exposed, Pidge quickly wiped them from under their glasses and left the common room.

 

Allura, who was still weak from the fight, managed to reason with Keith now that he had calmed himself. She spoke softly, told him they needed to clean Lance's up before placing him in a pod. She asked him to come with her to the healing room, the other humans did not dare follow and soon enough they were alone, with only the two Alteans, Keith and Lance. Reluctantly, Keith put Lance's cold body down on a surgery-looking table and held his stiffening hand in his. Everyone was quiet, but each mind was buzzing with thoughts and grief. Purple tinted eyes met blues and a silent agreement was made. Keith placed Lance's hand down after gently rubbing his thumb over his fingers and left the room.

 

 

 

 

Anger was the first emotion that filled Keith over the following weeks. To him, it was because he wasn't allowed inside the healing room. He would fake a headache, cut the skin of his hand as an excuse to get access to the room, but no one would let him in. Yet, everyone else was allowed to come and go, and stay as long as they needed to. Since the last accident, he avoided speaking with Pidge, but when he went to confront Shiro on the unfair decision the leader only told him "You're not ready to see him yet" before getting back to his own activities.

 

The words echoed in his head when he was alone.

In his room during the sleepless nights, under the shower where even the pouring water wasn't loud enough to hush his mind. Keith stayed away from the other paladins who were dealing with the loss of their comrades in their own way, keeping themselves busy, talking as if nothing had happened.

 

Did they forget about Lance already? Was he just not that important to them?

 

He wanted to scream, he wanted to take them by the shoulders and shake them. If it were for him, the next batch of cookies out of the oven would be used to break someone's arm and he would use the pen Pidge used for scribbling notes in their notebook to stab someone.

His anger was so big, he felt like it was drowning him from the inside. It made him want to fight everyone, snap at everyone and it made him hate himself even more than he hated the Universe right now.

 

Keith would sometimes sneak out at night, believing that nobody knew about his escapades with Red. Outside, among the stars, he was allowed to scream as much as he wanted. He allowed himself to let out all the rage that was burning, he lashed Red's power out on random asteroids until he was panting and exhausted from the rush of adrenaline. And then he would cry as the steam evaporated from his skin, ride back to the castle and go back to his room as if nothing had happened.

 

 

 

 

A month or two passed and Keith felt like he had exhausted all his stock of anger. Most of his days were spent in the training room where he lashed out at the automated dummies. Dark rings under his eyes and pale skin made him look sick. His sleeping habit had worsened since Lance was gone, he needed to push his body to its limit as exhaustion was the only way for him to fall into Morpheus' arms. And then there were the nightmares. Jerking awake in bed or on the cold floor, the anxiety of the night forbade him from going to sleep.

Often, he would spend so much time in the training sessions that he forgot about eating. Being with his friends wasn't appalling at the moment, he still felt angry at them for getting over Lance's death faster than him. He knew they cared, of course, as he would often find a note with leftovers in front of his bedroom door or the jacket he had thrown over the bench during a training session nicely folded and waiting for him along with a bottle of water. Keith wished he could thank them, but he wasn't very good at this. When imagining himself close to the rest of the paladin, he always felt too awkward, too scared to break in front of them. He could almost hear Lance's laugh followed by a snarky comment. "Is the prodigy being a chicken now?"

Man, that guy could run on his nerves sometimes.

 

But he wasn't there anymore and that's what Keith feared the most. The dynamic in the group wouldn't be the same, the goofball wouldn't make them groan or make him hit the roof. There wouldn't be any more bonding moments. No more rivalry. No more shared laugh or discreet glares.

 

Keith's fists hit the dummy harder as the lump in his throat grew. He felt as if his heart was shriveling between his ribs, and his inner voice started to whisper thoughts in his mind.

 

If only I had been _more careful._

 

If only I had gotten there _sooner._

 

If only it had been _me_ instead.

 

Each time, his mind would create different scenarios answering the "what ifs" that haunted him. He thought about the losing battle, maybe they should have retreated like the princess had told them. Maybe they should have ignored the planet's desperate call. What if Keith had been stronger, smarter, more organized? Lance wouldn't have suffered from his mistakes. What if Keith had arrived sooner to the planet or used Red to cushion the fall? They would have been hurt both, but maybe they could have both survived. Maybe there was a way to save Lance. What if he had rushed him to the Castle instead of listening to him blabber? If only there was a way to know which was the right answer.

 

 

 

Another month and the team worried at Keith's lack of presence. The black-haired man barely came out of his room, the dishes piling up in front of the door and remaining untouched. Hunk knocked gently on the door, asking Keith to open it. Pidge, Shiro and the two Alteans were behind him and waited uneasily for an answer that did not come. Each exchanged a glare before Pidge spoke up. "Listen, we're worried about you Keith. Can you just come out, so we can talk?"

 

No answers.

 

"Is there a way to open the door from the outside?" Shiro asked Coran who was between him and Allura.

The man rubbed his orange mustache between his fingers, a habit he had each time he was thinking about a plan. "There is a way indeed, but that would require shutting down the security system of every door in the castle and pry this one open. I fear we may step into Keith's privacy by doing so."

 

A feminine voice rose from the mumbles. "I agree but we cannot keep on waiting like this." A frown was drawing faint wrinkles on the Altean princess' forehead. "If Keith doesn't want to come out we will have to force our way in. It's for his own safety as well."

 

The others nodded before heading to the command room. Shiro remained behind, his eyes staring at the door. "I know you can hear us, Keith." He waited for an answer that didn't come. "We can't let you shut us out of your world anymore. We are family, we need to stick together. I'll see you soon buddy." The last word came out almost like a whisper, the man turned on his heels and hurried to meet with the others.

 

Behind the heavy doors was a dark room, even the glow of the stars barely made it through the window. Keith was sitting on the floor, his back against the entrance and his arms resting on his knees. The lack of sleep gave the young man a pale color, his eyes surrounded by dark circles and his cheeks appeared thinner than usual. He had listened to his friends but had not bothered to answer, he was at a point where he did not care about what the other thoughts. He didn't care about Voltron or the safety of the universe. He stopped caring about himself. Yet Shiro's words stuck with him and he couldn't shake the idea of them having another meaning. His mind replayed the last minutes over and over like a broken record. They were going to shut down the security system and this would give them the ability to open any door, his door.

 

Any door will be able to be opened.

 

_Oh._

 

A familiar door popped into his head, a flashback of himself trying to get it open so he could reach out to someone.

 

_Wait._

 

It took the length of a heartbeat for his brain to add the missing pieces together. With a sudden burst of strength, Keith pushed himself up to his feet. He pressed his hand against the scanner which beeped once in affirmation. As soon as he was out, the light of the long hallway began to fade with the sound of electricity being blocked in its path.

 

"I don't have much time." Keith thought as he began to run, the sound of his bare feet hitting the floor ringing in his ears. He found his way in the maze-like hallways, and before he knew it he was in front of the healing room. There, he stared at the door that had locked him out for the past months and he grew uneasy. Doubt was creeping up his guts, voice whispering ideas in his ears. What if it didn't open? Did he really want to get in? Was he ready to face the truth? Part of him screamed to go back in his own room, to keep believing in false ideas.

_No._

 

This was his chance, and his fear wasn't going to stop him now. Tensing his muscles, he placed his hands so each finger could grasp at the line formed in the middle of the shut door. He started to pull it apart, and to his surprise, it gave in quite easily. Nothing was holding him back, he placed his toes as quietly as possible inside the room as if he was a thief sneaking into a house. A few more tippy toes and he was in front of the surgical table on which he had left Lance. He traced the edge with the tips of his fingers, his mind recalling the way he had held the blue paladin's hand until they were too far apart. His eyes searched for bloodstains that weren't there anymore. Everything looked as if the whole scene had never happened; as if it was just a memory his brain had made up on its own.

 

Then, he noticed one of the healing pod. These usually weren't left in the open if they weren't being used. Each step toward the alien artifact felt like a new weight was added to his legs. Keith's eyes were able to make out a silhouette behind the glass. It was human, slightly taller than him and lean.

 

Finally, he faced him.

 

"Lance." The word came out naturally, a whisper he had been holding on far too long. Keith noticed how his friend looked nothing like he had seen him last. The blood had been washed away, the open wounds turned into faint scars. His armor had been switched to a more casual outfit, and he looked almost like he was only resting. The red paladin kept expecting to see a blink, a faint movement showing that the man in the glass was only asleep. When none came and he was struck with all the feelings he had repressed, he felt as if his knees were going to collapse from under him. A sob snaked out of his mouth and he grimaced as his eyes began to water. "You were always a real pain, you know that?"

 

The blue paladin didn't respond. Of course, he wouldn't respond, he's been dead for months. Keith heard his own voice remind him. God, he hated his brain sometimes. His hands found their way to the glass, it wasn't particularly cold or warm. Keith thought that made something in common between him and the pod, he had been feeling numb for so long the rush of emotions was making him feel dizzy.

 

"I wish you had told me sooner."

 

He looked past his reflection, he looked at the tanned skin the young man used to always take great care of. "I wish we could have talked about it. I always thought you were an idiot, so I shouldn't be surprised." A trembling smile tried to form on his face.

 

"We miss you, Lance. We miss hearing your stupid jokes, we miss not seeing you come out with that gross green stuff on your face. Hell, I even miss arguing with you 24/7."

Keith let his forehead rest against the glass, a sigh clouding it slightly. "I have been selfish. Toward the princess, toward the others. Toward Red, toward myself. But even more toward you. " The man posed, tears began to run their course down his cheeks, but he didn't bother wiping them away.

 

"I am going to make things better, I will tell everyone how great of a hero you were." He lifted his head up and an honest smile was suddenly there. "I'm going to tell everyone until they write songs and stories about you. Until the whole Universe knows about the Blue paladin." A small hiccup. "I'll bring you back home, hug each member of your family the same way you used to describe during our shared meals. I'll wait for the rainy days to come and jump in the puddles for you. I promise I won't be selfish anymore, I will apologize to the team, I will work hard to make things better." His left hand glided through the glass until it was hiding Lance's, Keith was almost certain he could feel the warmth of it. He could hear the cheerful laugh as he let his forehead rest against the glass once more, eyes closed and a peaceful smile as he remembered how lively Lance used to be.

 

Maybe he could allow his mind to picture a laughing, joyful friend each time he would hear the name Lance.

 

And maybe, just maybe, this was going to be the beginning of his recovery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for your amazing patience! I wasn't sure if I was going to add a third, last chapter but I really wanted to write Keith going through the stages of grief. Thank you for all the comments, kudos and for giving this little story a try I hope you enjoyed the ride and I'm sorry (or not) if you are leaving this page with a part of your heart missing... :)


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